Monday, November 5, 2007

Missing My Baby

Yesterday when I was at Target I decided to browse through the clearance items in the baby clothes department. William was lucky enough to get handed down many, many winter clothes from his older cousin, Patrick. But much to my dismay he's already outgrown 75 percent of those clothes and it's only the beginning of November. As I wait for the next shipment from Patrick, I decided it would be worthwhile to pick up a few $4 shirts.

As you may already know from your own experience Target baby clothes tend to run smaller than labeled and trying to be the ever-thrifty baby-clothes-shopper I quickly moved to the 24-month size after holding up an 18-months t-shirt. I've learned my lesson on that already. Any clothing item that fits perfectly now won't fit at all in a couple of weeks. Out of curiosity I also searched for a size 2T just to see what it looked like. As I pulled it out of the stack the tiniest lump came to my throat. After size 24 months they don't sell onesies with the little snappies anymore! Size 2T and up is just a regular t-shirt for, well, toddlers.

William is a little more than two weeks away from his first birthday when he will make the official shift from an infant to a toddler. He's been acting like a toddler for quite some time now but now it's going to be official. No more snappies, no more bottles, no more bouncy chairs, no more swaddles and no more mandatory tummy time.

While I'm sad about my first baby growing up I'm not devastated because I know we'll do it all over again, God willing. And it makes me wonder, will that feeling ever go away? The feeling of wanting another baby even though you've already gone through it and you know how hard it is. I remember those last few weeks of my pregnancy and how uncomfortable I was. But still, I can't wait to do it all over again. I remember hearing those hungry cries at 1:00 a.m., 2:30 a.m., and then again at 4:00 a.m. And still, I can't wait to have a baby to coddle with who, at the same time, won't try his hardest to wriggle away and grab the remote control. When do you have your last baby and know that this indeed is final number of children God has called you to bear? Because right now I feel like that longing for a new baby will never go away.

All this talk may have a lot of you thinking that I'm either pregnant or will be soon. Before you start taste-testing my alcoholic drinks to make sure that they are just that, let me set the record straight. I am not pregnant and am planning on waiting quite a few months before thinking about getting pregnant. I'm just not ready quite yet. Although I'm not sure I could say the same for Brian. But he might think a bit different if our roles were reversed. All in good time, my friend.

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