Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Hey, What's for Dinner?

My blogging friend, Stephanie, always writes about her family's after-dinner walks which are a part of their bedtime routine.

We have a similar routine except ours is seasonal. You see, Stephanie is from Arizona where I'm pretty sure the sun shines at least one part of every single day of the year.

Here in Minnesota, another blogging friend over at 2 To 4 A Day walks, well, two to four miles a day. She does speak of a treadmill for the really bad days but for the most part, she's out there putting one foot in front of the other.

Right now, in the midst of January, I miss walks. We still get out there every so often to hear the crunch crunch of the snow beneath our boots when the thermometer gets above 20 degrees, but in winter those days are more the exception than the rule.

Do you know what I miss most about evening walks in spring/summer/fall? I miss the smell of families making dinner. I miss the clink clink sound of dishes being placed in the sink for washing. I miss catching sight through an open window of moms and dads, brothers and sisters gathered around the dining room table.

There's something exhilarating about catching a glimpse of someone else's life when they don't know you're looking. Don't you think?

So let me peek inside your home this evening. Tell me: What are you doing for dinner? I want to hear it even if it's eating cereal in front of the TV or going out for Mickey D's. Anonymous comments are welcome!

I'll start.

Tonight we are feasting on whole grain pasta. I let William pick any shape and he picked shells. So shells it is. I'll cook up some sweet Italian sausage, carrots, mushrooms and marinara sauce. I'll throw it all into one pot and top it with some freshly grated Parmesan cheese.

OK, your turn!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Mr. Dateless

Written by Brian about The Bachelor - Week 4

“That there is an RV. Don’t you go falling in love with it now.”

The episode begins with the pronouncement by Chris Harrison that the girls will be going on a road trip and will never come back. Gia explains that she’s never been in an RV. Go figure. Jake “sets up camp” in wine country and awaits the girls.

The one-on-one date is with Gia. Jake embraces his inner caveman by dry shaving like John Rambo beforehand. During the date, Jenny comes to the conclusion that Gia has very weak legs because Jake carries her everywhere.

The Gia theme is that she’s from New York therefore she’s not going to be able to handle simple things like campfires and hotdogs. Seriously, what could happen? Is she going to flip out and strangle herself when the s’mores don’t work out? In the end she gets the rose for not being Michelle.

Lord Helmet returns, aka Jake on the motorcycle. He meets the group date for rides on dune buggies and a lot of log rolling down hills. Afterward, he requests that the group comb the beach for Lone Starr.

The rest of the group date is at an inn and nothing happens. News flash - Jessie is still here. She’s got googley eyes and she knows how to use them. I’ve come to the conclusion there is not a lot between the ears…but googley eyes.

Back at the RVs, Kathryn and Ella come to grips with the fact that one of them is going home after the two-on-one date. My side questions include who is Kathryn and how is she still on the show? She wants to see where this relationship can go. I’ll give you a little hint. It can go home…in a cab…alone.

She complains later that she didn’t get a lot of time during the two-on-one date. Wow. I, for one, was downright shocked.

In the end, both girls go home in an amazingly unprecedented move. The girls are shaken to the core. Tenley has a massive coronary when she realizes both are gone. Jake struts outside for the ceremonial rose burning and the drama is only enhanced by the corny/intense background music.

The rose ceremony kicks off with Jake talking about shots. I like the cut of his jib.

The rose party is pretty uneventful but the ceremony is amazing. Jake hands out a few roses and pauses with two roses and three no-names remaining. With tears in his eyes, I guess, he asks for a moment and requests to speak to Chris Harrison. The steady cam shot here following Jake around is right out of Goodfellas. I think Scorsese was a guest director this week. Chris Harrison is slowly lowered from his lair.

Chris Harrison explains to the girls that he will be taking one rose away, leaving only one left. Jessie struggles to do the math. Vienna gets a rose and Jessie and Asheleleiey walk home. That is all.

Wanted: Naps

For the past two weeks I've been dealing with a nap situation. The situation is that naps are not being had by a persistent three-year-old boy.

I know there may be some of you out there who would say that at three years and two months old he might be done with naps. To those of you I would reply, come on over to my house at 5 p.m. and I challenge you to tell me a nap he needs not.

I'm pretty sure the entire struggle revolves around a certain object that starts with the letter "N" and ends in "ukie."

Right around the time the naps were a thing of the past was that same time he chewed a giant hole in his nukie therefore making it unsuckable (word?) and, as we had warned him, needed to be disposed of.

There were no tears. No tantrums. No complaints. No arguments. But, as I've mentioned, there were also no naps.

So we've tried quiet time. When we said quiet time, William heard, "Start dismantling everything in your room." Every book is off the shelf. Every drawer in his dresser is opened and emptied. Wipes are removed from their tub. Covers and pillows are strewn about the room. Once we even found a bolt in his hand which apparently came off his bed frame. We think.

What was once my most peaceful time of the day to blog, clean, cook and unwind has now become my most stressful time of the day. Ten fold.

After nearly two weeks of no naps it finally caught up with him. This morning he woke up with a hacking cough. We went to school despite it and then took a quick jaunt to Trader Joe's for fruit. Back in the car he told me, "I just want to take a rest, mommy."

"OK," I said. "Do you want to have lunch?"

Lunch is his favorite meal of the day.

"No, mommy. I just want to rest."

And before I turned the car into the garage his eyes were shut.

I carried that big three-year-old upstairs to his bedroom. I gently removed his hat, mittens and coat. Then I tucked him in. Not even a eye blink did he give me.

Maybe he's sick? Maybe he's suffering from exhaustion?

Whatever it is, he's finally sleeping and I'm here, at the computer, with only the sound of my dryer and keyboard clicking. It's the best afternoon this mom has had in a while.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Just Wondering

On boring January days, when little sisters are sleeping and preventing him from going outside, do three-year-old girls also build towers out of cardboard bricks and then try to knock them over by shooting them with a motorized automatic tommy Nerf gun? Or is it a boy thing?

Maybe in a few years Lucy will sit quietly with me at the table while we color with a new box of crayons.

But for now, I'm here. Building towers and shooting them down.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Cloud Jake

Written by Brian about The Bachelor - Week 3

Chris Harrison is either taking his wardrobe cues from Jake and the Fatman or Miami Vice. Ah…Michael Mann created Miami Vice. So let’s say Fatman.

Vienna gets a one-on-one date with her dog, I mean Jake. She’s the life of the party and not afraid to “ruffle some feathers.” It is official. The bachelor has officially run out of ideas for dates. How many hand-holding helicopter rides can we handle? Ok, so at least they were going bungee jumping. Jake has some serious issues getting ready to jump but eventually it happens.

Right reasons and amazings start flying…into the pool…just like Vienna. I just got a text message from my cousin about the pure grace of it. It might have been the Triple Lindy. Chip, give her a break…you try to jump in a pool while you’re on “cloud Jake.” That seems to do the trick to get a rose from Jake and send emotional shockwaves through the house.

And so does Lovetts. John Lovetts. The pathological liar in the flesh. He’s the host of the comedy club group date where the girls have to perform in front of a live audience. This should be good. People are crying. Asheliaghe needs to start drinking.

Michelle talks about her imaginary first kiss before going on stage. It was weird. Jason Voorhees music starts playing in the background. (Kill, kill, kill, die, die, die) Her stand up is painful and creepy. Even Lovetts is at a loss for a punch line.

Of course Asheliaghe follows and gets knee-slapping results from blond jokes.Are these women in the 4th grade? The editing here is magical. They find the one guy in the room who’s laughing and show him the entire skit.

The date continues on a rooftop bar because we haven’t seen enough of these. Vienna is getting slammed at home and abroad by the girls. It culminates with her writing a letter to Jake. What a letdown. She should be punching someone by now.

Back on the totally amazing rooftop, Michelle is crying, moving things with her mind, and overall having a great time. She also tells Jake she has to leave. He takes about .03 seconds to agree, fearing for his life and the life of his family if he keeps her any longer. Michelle…baby steps into the cab. Baby steps! She’s doing the work, she’s not a slacker! Honestly, why watch anymore? Half of the entertainment of the show just crawled into a van and started hitting on the cab driver. I think it was the staffer. A lot of T100s will be going to bed disappointed tonight. Also, no rose for anyone because Jake is “drained.”

Another one-on-one date, another helicopter ride and talking over headphones about the view. Jake brings Ella’s son on the date and they go to Sea World. Yawn. Somewhere between me Googling Frank Stallone and sleeping, she gets a rose.

The focus of the party before the rose ceremony is Megan Fox. She is a tease and Jake calls her on it. They say the word kiss a combined 216 times.

The rose ceremony still has about 3-4 people that I don’t know. Did you hear that Valishia got kicked off tonight?! No? Well you missed out. She was amazing. In a surprise move, Miss Fox goes home. And yes, the word kiss came up when they said goodbye. Jake will really miss out on all that one-on-one time where they sit and stare at each other. That is all.

The Toothache That Wasn't

Yesterday I was watching the Vikings game (go Vikes!) when a horrible toothache overcame me. I kept complaining to Brian about how I've never had a toothache and this one really hurt.

I have awesome teeth. I rarely go to the dentist and when I do I always get a clean bill. Wouldn't ya know it, just as soon as Brian switches jobs and we lose our out-of-this-world dental benefits my tooth decides to ache.

I continued to watch the game and the pain continued to worsen. I kept fingering my upper left molars, the area of the pain, to see if maybe I could feel the source. But everything felt normal to me.

When the game was over (we won -- whoop! whoop!) I caved to the pain and took some ibuprofen. Fun fact about me: I rarely pop pills. Ibuprofen, for me, is saved for a certain time of the month and post red wine. What is it about red wine that gives off the worst headaches? Even just one glass will do me in. Don't worry red wine. I still love thee.

So I swallowed the pills and hopped in the shower to get ready for Sunday evening mass. In the shower I grabbed my facial soap and began lathering up. Mid-lather I noticed that not only did my tooth still ache but so did the entire left side of my face. That's when I put it all together.

I didn't have a cavity. I didn't need a root canal. I didn't even need a dentist. I had a sinus infection.

I was very sick with the cold/flu for a few days two weeks ago but have felt fine ever since. Except my voice was still a bit raspy and I had small coughing fits and I could blow things out of my nose that should not come out of a nose.

I don't believe I've ever had a sinus infection, in fact, after feeling that pain I'm certain I haven't because I would have remembered that kind of pain.

Not wanting to waste time and money on a doctor's visit and subsequent prescription of antibiotics I sent Brian to Walgreen's in search of a Neti Pot. Have you heard of these? I've never used one but, as an allergy sufferer, I've always been intrigued.

He came home $15 poorer and after dinner I gave it a shot. Before I used it I prayed that it would not feel like I just jumped into the deep end of a pool and forgot to plug my nose. Is that not the worst feeling in the world?

When the water first hit the back of my nose I felt that familiar water-up-my-nose feeling. But then, it went away. And then when the water started flowing out of my other nostril it actually felt pretty good.

Now for the money quote. When I was finished doing both sides my pain was gone entirely. No drugs. No doctors. Pain, gone.

And so there you have it. That's how I became one of those hippie, granola, homeopathic people.

So tell me, Neti Pot users of the world, has this plastic little pot changed your life? Do you use it daily or only seasonally or only when you think you're coming down with something? Do tell.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Pulling The Plug

Last week, while we were all sick and dying a slow death of boredom due to the severely cold temps outdoors, we relied heavily on our favorite babysitter. Maybe you you've heard of him.

His name is television. You can call him TV for short.

It was easy and, in all honestly, it was necessary. Even though Brian worked from home on Thursday to help out, he still needed to be on the phone and on his computer for a lot of the time.

I, on the other hand, could not move a muscle without bellyaching profusely. And Lucy joined me in that camp.

Three-year-olds aren't generally known to be the most quiet or the most independent-playing creatures on earth so to make it work, we flipped a switch and viola! An instantly hypnotized little boy. Like magic. Only magic, in this case, turns your brain (and behavior!) to mush.

Things got bad. Tantrums. Whining. Talking back. Yelling. Thrashing. Crying. More whining. Sleeplessness. Rudeness. And even more whining.

It was ugly.

And I can't say I blame the kid. I would probably be the same way if someone made me watch hours of Handy Manny, Super Why and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It's like chewing the same piece of gum for days. Ugh!

So on Sunday, when we were all feeling much more chipper and healthy, I declared there would be no TV this week.

Yesterday William woke up at 8:00. We ate breakfast together. Then he helped me feed Lucy breakfast. He danced while I nursed her. When Lucy went down for her morning nap I carried the big toy box up from the basement. Content for hours was that kid.

At 11:00 I said we could have a snack in the basement while mommy did some computer work. William LOVES snacks. Mostly because I hardly ever hand them out because I'm trying to make him a better meal-eater first.

Once in the basement with our cup of graham crackers I pulled out another long-lost toy box. He was so consumed with all of his forgotten toys that he actually FORGOT to eat his snack.

During lunch he was the most pleasant three-year-old on earth. Lucy was still sleeping so he and I ate together and had ourselves a pleasant little conversation.

After naps it was time for some fresh air. Even for miss crabby pants Lucy.

We only walked about eight blocks but we walked those eight blocks very slowly. We stopped to admire some snowmen. We stopped to wave to the puppy in the window. We stopped to move "boulders" (ice chunks) off the sidewalk. We stopped to watch the big boys sliding with their snowtubes.

We had one crying episode but that was only because he slipped on the ice and fell on his bum. Luckily his fall was muffled by the extra padding from his snowpants so he popped up pretty fast and said, "I'm OK!"

When it's necessary, I'm thankful the TV is there. Even if it's only for five minutes so I can go to the bathroom by myself or put the baby to sleep in quiet. But it's times like last week when I'm reminded nothing in excess is healthy. After all, no one ever died from turning off the television. I don't think.

Been Spending A Lot of Time With Dad?

This morning some pieces of my brush/bronzer broke off the palette so I brushed them into the toilet.

Moments later William woke up and came into the bathroom to greet me and to go potty.

Peering down into the toilet he exclaimed:

"Hey! Who took a dump in our toilet?!"

Monday, January 11, 2010

Certain Lines Cannot Be Crossed

Written by Brian about The Bachelor - Week 2

Chris Harrison has the best job in the world. He gets softball interviews. He is on TV. He gets to announce group dates and girls pretend to be excited. He also has the full name thing going. He’s not just Chris, or just Harrison. No. He’s Chris Harrison. Only a few other people in the world can claim to have this in common with him. Michael Jackson, Bob Ross, Ben Kingsley, Gerard Depardieu, Carl Weathers, and Janet Reno. That’s it! Amazing, right?

Jake makes his first appearance with missing buttons on his shirt and glasses on the back of his collar? His bike was going so fast the wind blew them back there.

The first group date is a fashion shoot where half the girls have modeling experience. Remember all those talents from the first show? A few of the girls are noticing this and are worried…for good reason.

Christina complains for 5-10 minutes but has her moments where she’s actually funny. She acts the part while being photographed and Jake comes to her rescue. Classic move, always works.

Group date continues with a rooftop pool party. Pretty much what it sounds like. Not a lot of material here, literally. Jake comments that Christina is drinking heavily. Later on Rozlyn gets a rose and follows that up with some Pacino-like acting prowess pretending to be surprised. Woo-ah! Christina says something to the camera about being bombed. Or maybe it was bummed. Not sure. Doesn’t matter.

Michelle continues to take her crazy pills talking about diamonds and really wanting the one-on-one date. Naturally she doesn’t get it and the date goes to Ali. Careful Ali, Michelle doesn’t sleep…she waits.

Jake rides in for his date with a helmet that is really dorky looking. I think it nullifies the fact that he drives a motorcycle. Come on Maverick! Later on Ali and Jake take flight to the smooth sounds of Jeffery Osborne. Jenny and I have to pause while I regain my composure. Within 2.3 minutes of that scene, "On the Wings of Love" shoots up to #2 on iTunes. #1 is still "Crazy Train" by OZZY Osborne.

Over at the house, the final group date is announced and a few girls are left out, including the inspiration for "Crazy Train" – Michelle. Her left eyeball just blew up on camera. Not pretty.

After Ali’s flight from the navigator, they go to a private concert in the park. Jenny pronounces that Chicago is desperate for publicity. Chicago? Whatever! They were in Karate Kid 2! I give you this link for proof that they are truly awesome. How’s that for publicity?

Next group date is at Six Flags, where real connections are met with all the right reasons. Elizabeth a.k.a. Meagan Fox tells Jake her Megatron is off limits until she’s the last girl on the show. She also gets the rose tonight.

The cocktail party before the rose ceremony is highlighted by a Chris Harrison “hammer/intervention” with Rozlyn. She is kicked off the show by Chris Harrison because she had an inapprope relationship with “a staffer”. My guess is it was with the huge dude carrying her luggage to the car. He looks like Burt Young. Watch out – when Chris Harrison gets upset, Burt gets physical.

Chris Harrison really protected the integrity of the show here…good for him. This is high brow stuff here; we don’t want to tarnish its gleaming reputation.

Chris Harrison explains what happened to the group and 90% of the girls start spontaneously crying. I don’t understand this…they should be high fiving. The hot model just got kicked off the show. Brian Nash is confused.

Jake passes roses out like caramels. Jenny took one of the 57 minute pauses between roses to interject, “The Staffer!” Suddenly you see some dude in the lineup holding a camera coming up to get a rose from Jake. This will be my most overused joke this season. Get ready. That is all.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Ready To Be Back Among The Healthy

I'm sorry to disappoint all my readers's me again. As in, not Brian.

Before you get yourself all in a huff, don't worry. He'll be back some time this coming week to comment on tomorrow night's episode of The Bachelor.

Can you understand now why I'm so addicted to The Bachelor/Bachelorette? It's not that I'm addicted to watching the show. It's that I'm addicted to watching the show with Brian. That man is always on.

And speaking of being on, boy was I off this week. It was a rough one at the Nash household. We were afflicted with not one, but two slow-moving bugs this week.

I already told you about William coming down with pink eye on Tuesday. That bugger lasted all the way through Friday. We couldn't go anywhere so as not to infect anyone else. And we couldn't even escape to the outdoors because temps were subzero all week.

Naturally, with all that recycled air, it was the perfect recipe for another virus to wreak havoc. My throat started feeling a bit scratchy on Wednesday afternoon. By 9 o'clock that evening I was in full-fledge chills and achiness.

That lasted through all of Thursday and into Friday. Brian pulled through with a work-from-home day on Thursday but I had to fly solo on Friday. With white knuckles I made it.

Lucy's little body was a day behind mine. She was up all night Thursday with a fever and no doubt feeling every bit the amount of crapiness I was feeling the night before. Poor little gal.

Saturday morning William's pink eye was gone. I, however, woke up with my eyes glued together. Isn't that how it always goes? Just when you think you've beat it.

But no bother. Out the door he went (finally) to swimming lessons. Lucy and I stayed all snuggled at home while daddy played chauffeur. It was his first lesson without a parent in the water. He absolutely loved it.

Earlier in the day I finally fell to the disease and got some antibiotic eye drops. Twenty-four hours and that thing is dead in the water. And it's a good thing because later that night, when Brian and I finished up a movie, I turned to him and laughed.

"What?" he asked.

"You've got it too!"

His eyes were as red as a cherry Popsicle.

"I do not," he said, disbelieving.

Together we went upstairs to investigate in the bathroom mirror.

"We're going to be quite the sight at church tomorrow," I said.

"People are going to say, 'Hey did you see that family sitting by us? I think the parents might be drug addicts? How sad!'"

But with a little help from Visine I don't think our cover was blown.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I Want To Be the Co-Pilot Of Your Plane

Written by Brian about The Bachelor - Week 1

Jake Pavelka is two things – nice and really nice.

This was the sentiment he left with us when he was abruptly ousted last year on the Bachelorette as he cried, “Nice guys always finish last.” Well Jake’s luck has changed, for better or worse depending on how you look at it, as he is the man of the hour on this season’s Bachelor.

We begin the show with Jake doing ordinary things like riding motorcycles, viewing sunsets, working out on rooftops, and of course flying airplanes. (Important note – he’s a pilot. Hence the corny subtitle of the show) Can we get any more obvious Top Gun references in this segment? And what are the chances we can drag Kenny Logins off his yacht for one more theme song? Will Jake start saying,” I feel the need…the need for speed” before each group date? Will I ask another question about Top Gun?

Final observation on this segment… this guy’s a pilot, attractive, 1.2% body fat, cuts wood in his backyard for fun, was on TV all last year, and has a huge home in Texas. Why am I supposed to feel sorry for this guy?

The preview of the season was pretty much like every other year. Every year is the “most dramatic” ever. How this show continues to raise the bar on drama is downright amazing. Have you ever seen the Godfather? How about Casablanca? Those can’t hold a candle to the drama you will witness this season.

Also, Jake is amazing…the most overused word in the Bachelor language. At some point Jake burns a rose with tears that threaten to put out the fire. Look forward to that.

And based on what we’ve seen so far the over/under on number of scenes with a shirtless Jake is about 593/1. By the end of the season he will rival Matthew McConaughey.

Preview of girls – Wow. Sprechen sie Classy? Random talents are showcased here like dancing on beaches, wearing really long green scarves, lying on a couch and staring into the distance in your living room, modeling, boxing, and more modeling. Vienna is the highlight here. She is unemployed but her dad bought her 5 cars. Also, dogs are in fact people that you go on dates with.

Jake takes an interview with Chris Harrison where he discusses his emotions and how he’s lonely. Chris Harrison just called previous season’s clips “Game tape”. Jake says flying is more powerful than love. Move over Robert Frost.

Finally Jakes gets to meet the 25 girls of his dreams. They all pile out of a limo one by one for awkward introductions and cutsie performances to get his attention. Jessie takes the lamest joke by touching Jakes arms and asking if his guns are registered. Emily is my favorite of the group and is naturally the first one to go home.

Jake’s laughing and massive smile are already getting old. The Tom Cruise similarities are getting creepy. “That’s right Ice…Jake is dangerous.”

The party kicks off and things escalate quickly with jokes about privates, rack envy, and desperate copilot outfits. Did you guys know that Jake is a pilot? Let’s have a natural break in the action for some old fashioned touch football. Makes sense.

Now it is standard in the first show to have at least one girl that is crazy desperate and downright redonkle. We’re talking about Michelle who is already crying because the guy she met 5 minutes ago isn’t giving her one on one time. In about 5 episodes Michelle will be long voted off the show but we’ll still see her hanging around in the bushes with tears in her eyes. She’s like a cyborg and she can melt metal. Fact.

We get our first “right reasons” of the season! Score! This is another standard in the Bachelor Book of Sayings. I’m pretty sure the girls don’t know what it means but it gets used every season, so they follow suit. Amazing.

Jillian and Ed show up to vet out the crazies with questions like are you insane, are you on heavy medication, are you nuts or have you just had too many drinks? Jillian ends the segment with a “we’re just friends” blatantly amazing high five to Jake. I don’t know if she did that for the right reasons.

Jenny and I discussed that it was very weird that Jake didn’t have his real friends doing this kind of questioning. This leads me to believe at the end of this season he’ll have to do an “I Love You Man” type follow up show to find a best man.

Tenley gets the first impression rose and lands a first kiss. She then breaks into Every Rose Has It’s Thorn by Poison. Very impressive.

I’m positive the producers had a heavy hand in tonight’s Rose Ceremony. The conversation went something like this: “Listen J-Bro, in order to keep ratings up, we’re going to have to go ahead and have you keep all the crazies on board for at least one more show. No, no…you can keep a few nice girls. Of course, to find love or whatever. But we need them J-Money. We’re on our 29th season… this show is on life support without them.”

Preview of the season – raw emotions on display with Jake walking out of an interview while kicking over a light and slamming a door respectfully. What sounds on the surface as something really tough and manly to do, he manages to make it look weird and stiff.

I’m pretty sure if scientists did tests on Jake it would be reveled he’s 30% Tom Cruise, 70% cardboard, and 100% nice guy. That is all.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


I'm going on record right here and now to say that I'm pretty sure I've got one of the most helpful hubbys out there.

Just this morning he got up well before six bells and went to the gym. On his way home he stopped at a bakery to pick up a loaf of banana bread for me because today was my day to share treats at the early childhood school I attend with the kids every Tuesday.

While he was gone William woke up an hour earlier than usual to tell me his eyes were stuck together.

Pink eye.

Pink eye is the pits. Mostly because there's no real sick feeling yet due to its uber contagious nature we have to remain quarantined until it passes.

So now I have a little boy who is every bit a little boy except that he has a bit of goop in his eyes and he's going crazy that we can't leave the house.

While I'm applying a warm wash cloth to help unstick his eyes Lucy makes everyone aware of her presence. She's screaming her head off like the wild woman she is. For what? No one ever can quite tell. It's just Lucy.

But Brian is still out pumping iron and chasing down banana bread so Lucy has to wait until William's lids give way. By the time they do give way he's much too awake to believe anything I have to say about it still being nighttime. I close his door anyway. And he sings himself some tunes, anyway.

I tend to Lucy and get her settled back down.

I crawl back into bed.

Brian is home 15 minutes later and William has finished his solo and is out the door as soon as he hears daddy's footsteps.

Brian tends to his potty and breakfast routine and empties the dishwasher.

Is there anything worse in the morning than finishing up breakfast and realizing you still need to empty the dishwasher or risk having those cereal bowls sit in the sink until lunch arrives? Maybe I'm too OCD for you. But Brian knows my quirks and he knows how to rock my world. An empty dishwasher in the morning rocks my world.

As he's finishing up his shower I inform Brian that school is a no go today. See paragraph four.

I ask him, ever so sweetly, if he would kindly travel in the complete opposite direction of his office to please, pretty please, drop off those treats that are due at school today so that I don't have to deal with another treat day this year.

He agrees. And then adds the cherry on top and asks he should stay at home today or leave work early or what would be most helpful to me.

I send him on his way and tell him I'll call if I need him.

See? Wonderful, awesome, helpful, reliable Brian.

But then there was last night when I wandered out in the cold to attend my yoga class followed by a quick jaunt to Target. As I'm unloading the car of bags and boxes of diapers I'm wondering, where's Brian?

I had to make three of four trips back out to the car to get everything and it was fraa-eezing! Usually he's there to slip on his boots and get the job done for me or at least grab the merchandise from my hands at the door.

Did he already go to bed?

Is he tending to one of the kids who maybe woke up?

If he's just sitting there in the living room watching TV I'm going to be SO MAD!

Well, that's exactly what he was doing.

"Thanks for your help," I said in that sarcastic voice all wives have perfected.

"I'm working!" he said.

"I bet."

You know what he was "working" on?

This blog. His little posting promise on last night's The Bachelor.

He had the show turned on, the remote at his side and his laptop on his, well, lap. Every so often he would pause the DVR and type something.

"What are you doing? Are you LIVE blogging?" I asked.

"No, just taking notes."

He's taking this serious, people.

For the two of you who are desperately awaiting Brian's post, it'll probably be up tomorrow, or maybe tonight at the earliest.

We'll have to cut him some slack on his punctuality. He's busy being a good husband and a good father.

I know, I know. I thought blogging came before those things too. But he reminded me that they most certainly do not.

Monday, January 4, 2010

On With January

December has come and gone and I did it! I wrote a post on each and every one of those 31 days in that long, cold, busy month.

Welcome, January! Or not...

I hate January. It's long. It's even colder than December. And it's boring.

After my 31-day posting marathon I took three days off. Maybe you thought it was because I was sick of posting. But really it was because nothing happened.

The high temps on those days were in single digits. And that's only when the sun got out from behind that tree over there and sat directly on the thermometer for a whole minute before it moved and the mercury plunged below zero again.

We watched three movies. I made three full dinners that did not include any take-out numbers. We played with the kids. We slept.

By Sunday morning we were all going a little Jack-Nicholson-in-The-Shining crazy. I knew church would be struggle with the kids so we postponed that for the 5:00 p.m. mass and instead went on a hunt for the best breakfast in St. Paul.

We tested out The Copper Dome just a mile or so from our house. It's one of those old, old, old restaurants that has every inch of their wood-paneled walls covered with some old, old, old framed picture. The tables and chairs are almost exact replicas of my Grandma's. And so is their tinsel-covered Christmas tree. For payment they only accept cash or check. No VISA Check Cards here!

The Copper Dome did not disappoint. William ate every last crumb of his strawberry-topped French toast. Lucy delighted in my veggie omelet. And both Brian and I had to split our sides of pancakes with the kids because they were still hungry.

Afterward we all went home and collapsed until the church bells rang at 5 o'clock.

So back to this wretched month of January. I'm not going to promise you 31 days of non-stop posting. Mostly because I already missed the first three.

But I do have something exciting! You ready for it?

OK but first I have to tell you a secret. A secret I'm rather embarrassed of and even a bit ashamed of.

But I'm only going to tell you if you promise not to think bad of me. And you can't hold it against me. Or Brian.

Yeah, it involves him too.


OK, here goes.

Brian and I have a rather large indulgence in a particular television show which is full of filth and gossip and everything we're not.

It's our guilty pleasure.

We watch The Bachelor.

Or The Bachelorette. Whichever the season calls for.

And we've watched it for a long time.

But here's the thing. We watch it as a comedy. I think it's the most ridiculous show out there. And that's why we love it.

Most weeks I end up crying from laughing so hard because of the comments my husband delights me with.

So I've asked him, and he's agreed, to be a guest poster once a week throughout this season of The Bachelor -- who just so happens to be crybaby Jake, the pilot, who Bachelorette, Jillian let go of last season when she wound up choosing Ed. You following?

Well if you do want to follow then tune in to The Bachelor tonight on ABC at 7:00 p.m. Central. But even if you don't, you'll probably still find Brian's posts rather amusing. He's just that kind of a guy.

In Which I Realize Maybe I'm An OK Parent After All

Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, I did not make one iota of this story up.

William: Where's daddy?

Me: He's at work, buddy.

William: Oh. Why is he at work?

Me: So he can make some money.

William: Oh that's so we can put more in the basket at church!
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