Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Fight Night

Written by Brian about The Bachelor - Week 7 & 8

“And now…the moment you’ve all been waiting for….Tyson – Holyfield!”

We’ll get there eventually, but first let’s cover the previous week. Gia didn’t get a rose. Ali begged to come back. I was out of town. We fast-forwarded it in about 10 minutes before watching this week’s episode. I’m not sure if that was even worth it. On to the show!

I’d have to say, there is a lot of crap thrown into the two-hour Woman Tell All episode. Not unlike the previous eight shows we just watched. Like how about the ten minute saga showing previous bachelor and bachelorettes drinking themselves into comas in Vegas? Does anyone really care? Unless there is a fight or Alan shows up trying to get a sig on his beeper, I’m not interested.

Eventually Chris Harrison gets to the part where he starts interviewing the ladies. Michelle showed up wearing a tuxedo and a mechanical arm. No…that was just my imagination. She was actually bald, smoking tea leaves, and holding a picture of Richard Moll. No…just kidding. I’ll stop now.

The interview was pretty boring. This will become a theme. Chris Harrison (Warlord/Sith Lord) asks only the tough questions; girl in “hot seat” denies all allegations.

Chris Harrison, “Michelle, some girls have said that you are crazy, whack, funky. What’s your response?”

Michelle in Joker voice, “No, I’m not.”

And in this corner…the challenger, wearing 10 lbs of silicone and a dress made of men’s souls….Rozlyn! And in the other corner…The Emperor of Disaster, “He lives in America!”…Chris…Harrison! They even show Rozlyn shadow boxing down corridors behind stage. The Bachelor is really helping out my analogy.

I’m wondering how they could have done an 80s training montage before the showdown. Chris Harrison sharpening pencils and writing down questions. Rozlyn modeling. Kenny Loggins blaring in the background.

Before she comes out, Chris Harrison asks the other girls if they saw anything between Rozlyn and the staffer. And they did…a lot.

Chris Harrison gets his initial connecting jabs. “Did you have a physical relationship with the staffer? No relationship? No actual physical contact? Egon? No touchy touchy? Nothing?”

Rozlyn struggling with the lies, “No. Absolutely not. No touchy. Absolutely not.”

Then Chris starts with the uppercuts. “Girls, tell her about all the crap you saw.”

They don’t mess around at this point. Rozlyn is visibly shaken. Chris Harrison starts talking about how the staffer lost his job, they were friends, and it was all her fault. Gut shot! Gut shot!

We’re at the breaking point. This is where you think she finally might admit it. But she doesn’t. Tyson doesn’t go down, he goes nuts. “Yeah, that’s news to him. Especially when you hit on his wife in New Zealand. He thought that was crazy.”

She bites Chris Harrison’s ear off. You’re right Roz, that was crazy. Totally random. Tyson. It happened. No jokes necessary.

Chris Harrison’s eyes turn red like the scene in Teenwolf when MJ Fox asks for a keg of beer. He says he won’t dignify that comment with a response. That was the end of the show. I really have to admit, that was entertaining. I need a shower. That is all.

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

Week 6

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